Win­ter Notes 2018

Dear future self,

This new year wasn’t entire­ly grandiose, in fact you might just say it was qui­et and lack­lus­ter. Com­pared to my glo­ry hey­days which were always spent in some lav­ish deca­dence (that cost­ed me heav­i­ly mon­e­tar­i­ly wise), fol­lowed by the pre­dictable week of recov­ery to alle­vi­ate the delir­i­um of a mon­strous hang­over. And for what ? There was no reward, only a kind of need­less suf­fer­ing brought on by myself, add to the phys­i­cal recov­ery a recov­ery of lost wages to add insult to self inflict­ed injury.

I’m work­ing on my book now, it’s always a fun kind of daunt­ing task to rip pages out of your­self, piece the words togeth­er into chap­ters, ham­mer­ing and chis­el­ing, puri­fy­ing and per­fect­ing, try­ing to breathe alive­ness into things. I’m writ­ing what I myself would like to read. Right now it’s going to be an fan­ta­sy nov­el, think Game of Thrones but far less Machi­avel­lian, but more geared toward high adven­ture, intrigues, plots, love affairs, and some life lessons. My hope and intent is to illus­trate that evil isn’t as sexy as our cul­ture would dupe peo­ple into think­ing. When we have a cul­ture that accen­tu­ates hope­less­ness, an ado­ra­tion of ugli­ness, and a depres­sive state what is there to nour­ish our own souls ? We won­der why the world is so beau­ti­ful­ly messed up ? Mys­tery solved, there’s very lit­tle to sus­tain the suc­cor of our own souls, and it’s clear­ly evi­dent wher­ev­er you look. No source of uplift, com­pas­sion, empa­thy, life. We glo­ri­fy and mag­ni­fy entire­ly neg­a­tive attrib­ut­es, extolling them as being virtues. Imag­ine that, we are mak­ing bad things seem like good and won­der in shock and hor­ror that the bad det­o­nates all around us !

Am I say­ing we need to walk around like we’ve been molest­ed by a care­bear ? Maybe 🙂 yet what I’m real­ly say­ing is that it’s not always about us, oth­er peo­ple go through storms and sea­sons also, and well not every­body has to be a home­less per­son or an African child in order for us to offer a kind word, a sim­ple hel­lo, not to seem like some sort of do good­er enhanced human from the DC uni­verse. How much more we each learn and dis­cov­er our own true pow­er, beau­ty, and iden­ti­ty when we pur­pose­ly affect anoth­er per­son, even in the most sub­tle and sly ways (in good ways, not hus­tling them heh heh). I tell you, it’s me who is reward­ed, real­ly.