The real reason I haven’t been writing much on a personal level is that I’ve been so engrossed with projects, trying to build a updated stack of show off work. These days you have to have everything under the sun in your portfolio, but really the sexier your work is it only seems to engender envy induced haterade or people just biting your originality like it’s a free for all downloadable torrent. Yeah, I worked my butt off so some sideshow freakazoid can come along and steal my work 🙂
Time to time I sift through my various photo archives : photos in my iCloud or google photos that reminds me I have a memory to look back on. My inner nostalgist awakens, and sometimes I sit back and try to resurrect a certain time in my life, where I was an entirely different being in a different reality, different circumstances. As I do, they felt like phantom limbs now, I have this vagueness where the clarity once was. How many times do we sit back and enjoy the simplicity of recollecting a summer of a year from childhood ? Where I spent the entire season playing, getting into mischief, enjoying my quickly spent youth ? Remembering what it felt like to be in my younger body, and all the cute ‘problems’ I had. How they seemed to laughably trivial, obviously. Even in my young adult years, where I spent the vast majority in the bowels of choice cafes, losing myself in deep thoughts, words, reading and writing. That was my life then, copious amounts of time on paper, as if this was my destiny in life which was to write about life, draw, create. Nothing else could sate my insatiability.
Lately I’m realizing more and more that I have less and less I really want to discuss about my own inner life. It’s not fear, it’s not lack of want, but some things I do keep under lock and key. Maybe in today’s share obsessed world, I’m more content with focusing on bestowing an impartation on others rather than force feeding them my own issues, which I seldom if ever dwell upon. Putting them under the microscope hardly does anything in changing circumstances, it only magnifies, intensifies, enlarges.
Rather, of late I’m not simply ‘being positive’ but trying to inspire others toward being positive themselves. I’ve recommended a negativity fast for some friends, where you have to not be negative whether in what you say, what you think, or how you behave. Sounds easy, right ? Give it a whirl and try it even for an hour much less 1 – 2 days !
I have to admit, I feel like of like Mr. Spock when I do. “Emotions are illogical” lol.