The real rea­son I haven’t been writ­ing much on a per­son­al lev­el is that I’ve been so engrossed with projects, try­ing to build a updat­ed stack of show off work. These days you have to have every­thing under the sun in your port­fo­lio, but real­ly the sex­i­er your work is it only seems to engen­der envy induced hat­er­ade or peo­ple just bit­ing your orig­i­nal­i­ty like it’s a free for all down­load­able tor­rent. Yeah, I worked my butt off so some sideshow freaka­zoid can come along and steal my work 🙂

Time to time I sift through my var­i­ous pho­to archives : pho­tos in my iCloud or google pho­tos that reminds me I have a mem­o­ry to look back on. My inner nos­tal­gist awak­ens, and some­times I sit back and try to res­ur­rect a cer­tain time in my life, where I was an entire­ly dif­fer­ent being in a dif­fer­ent real­i­ty, dif­fer­ent cir­cum­stances. As I do, they felt like phan­tom limbs now, I have this vague­ness where the clar­i­ty once was. How many times do we sit back and enjoy the sim­plic­i­ty of rec­ol­lect­ing a sum­mer of a year from child­hood ? Where I spent the entire sea­son play­ing, get­ting into mis­chief, enjoy­ing my quick­ly spent youth ? Remem­ber­ing what it felt like to be in my younger body, and all the cute prob­lems’ I had. How they seemed to laugh­ably triv­ial, obvi­ous­ly. Even in my young adult years, where I spent the vast major­i­ty in the bow­els of choice cafes, los­ing myself in deep thoughts, words, read­ing and writ­ing. That was my life then, copi­ous amounts of time on paper, as if this was my des­tiny in life which was to write about life, draw, cre­ate. Noth­ing else could sate my insa­tia­bil­i­ty.

Late­ly I’m real­iz­ing more and more that I have less and less I real­ly want to dis­cuss about my own inner life. It’s not fear, it’s not lack of want, but some things I do keep under lock and key. Maybe in today’s share obsessed world, I’m more con­tent with focus­ing on bestow­ing an impar­ta­tion on oth­ers rather than force feed­ing them my own issues, which I sel­dom if ever dwell upon. Putting them under the micro­scope hard­ly does any­thing in chang­ing cir­cum­stances, it only mag­ni­fies, inten­si­fies, enlarges.

Rather, of late I’m not sim­ply being pos­i­tive’ but try­ing to inspire oth­ers toward being pos­i­tive them­selves. I’ve rec­om­mend­ed a neg­a­tiv­i­ty fast for some friends, where you have to not be neg­a­tive whether in what you say, what you think, or how you behave. Sounds easy, right ? Give it a whirl and try it even for an hour much less 1 – 2 days !

I have to admit, I feel like of like Mr. Spock when I do. Emo­tions are illog­i­cal” lol.

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