get all dolled up
lets put on some cologne, don’t forget the deo for the B.O.
remember that joke someone told you, the one that breaks the ice and is guaranteed to score brownie points. Make sure your delivery is more timely and in sync than an American Idol audition
bring a pen, a briefcase, fresh copies of resumes and cards, look better than the one interviewing you. Look more expensive, and pretend you don’t actually need this job. Even if you’re practically wanting to steal the toilet paper from the mens bathroom on your way out, and all the breath mints, and do a little spy game check if the receptionist is single or not.
give the door guy a $5-$20 bill to say good things about you to any higher ups who are on their way out of the office to put in a good word.…everybody thinks you’re James Bond because you are.
Watch American Giggalo a few times to get a bit of confidence back in your game.
host poker night so you can pity party with your guy friends, who always cheer you up and remind you how legit you are. Even if you aren’t they’ll stoke you up anyway.
make sure your breath isn’t stinky, you look vaguely like an attractive, sparkling sensation. look like you’re someone who doesn’t do anything subversive or strange, look like you attend Church on a regular basis.
Essentially like you’re a carbon copy of Mr. Rogers applying for a job at a Mad Men advertising agency.
after several pitiful interviews, you go to the nearest bar and sulk in style, down a few drinks and go home, eat some greasey Chinese food, do a little laundry, and binge on some very bad tv. then call all the girls in your black book to set up dates for the weekend, and customize your nifty answering machine message.
In the morning go jogging for an entire hour, make sure you have your nifty playlist on that cd rom in your sony discman. Bring a backup for extra motivation.
make sure your facebook, twitter, instagram accounts look like you’re a genetic replica of Justin Beiber
make sure you know more coding languages than Mark Zuckerberg or Tony Stark
make sure your entire existence is nothing outside of internet technologies. when you dream you’d better be writing code in your dreams. the code had better be well formed and documented.
make sure it doesn’t seem like you’re actually smarter and well off than others, even if you are. Someone somewhere might be offended.
make sure your resume is studded with trendy keywords nobody but Mark Zuckerberg or Tony Stark will actually fathom.
have a lifestyle blog that sounds like you have an enviable lifestyle others wish they had.