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Lately I’ve changed. changed for the better? who knows. I don’t think it’s a gradation towards good/bad. It’s more like simply a subtle shift. all of my urbanite ways appears to have slightly subsided. That will happen when you’re not surrounded by concrete towers and herds of people on their way to work. Where the only pleasurable distractions were to inhabit a bar or a cafe someplace and spend more than you would a fancy meal. Just to say you’re doing so to a hundred other people doing so on the daily. As if these things were even enviable, they’re not. Not when any person can easily do so w/o much of a hitch (as they often do).

Now I’m starting my 3rd year in North Carolina. A state that I found beautiful but infuriating, fascinating and dull, quiet but alive. It’s rich in nature and bears a serenity that would make most people jealous. Its natives were quiet, proud, sweet, unpretentious, laid back, and defiant. Not to be taken lightly, after all they were the first to bushwhack the British and show them whats up (also why you will see license plates reading: First in Freedom). One thing was for sure they weren’t nearly as pretentious, jaded, cynical, sarcastic or arrogant as city-dwellers. Nor as recklessly dumb when it came to the great outdoors and dealing with nature. What I truly hated were the New York/Jersey shore space invaders who came here treating them like they were stupid. They weren’t. Last time I checked you didn’t see North Carolinians fleeing into the cities these people had fled from in the first place. They loved their guns and their bibles, were horrific drivers, pleasant and enjoyed pleasant conversations about nothing hardly. They were deeply distrustful of anybody not from NC though.

Yet I wasn’t from Cali, NYC or NJ, the annoying places. I was from Chicago, and it might not be the nature paradise of NC, but we had our own version of grit. We endured harsh brutal winters, short lived winters, chaos and construction, and corruption. Had our own toughness too. maybe not dealing with copperhead snakes, but our snakes were mostly human, heh heh. Treacherous parasites installed into power by the dumb democrat idiots that infiltrated the city. Usually people from Indiana, Michigan, Wisconsin or Iowa who didn’t know any better (still don’t).

Lately I came to understand that those aspects of city-life simply weren’t. They weren’t conducive to my aliveness, my betterment or quality of life. All I had known and learned was to wear a mask, survivalist tactics, deal with negative people in negative fashion and fending off rude behaviors. You also learn about politics real quickly, the Machiavellian kind. Cities turned you nasty, toxic, unlikable, and certainly apathetic, fearful, distrusting, and deeply cynical. I didn’t need a therapist, I was a strong individual from a healthy nuclear family. I simply needed to escape from Chicago, which I did. And I haven’t looked back ever since.

 

 

 

 

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Inexpressible

an expression of the inexpressible.

thought lives matter (and: writing lives for that matter). both are entwined in a double helix of waxing nostalgic + introspective funkiness (whatever that means, just thought it sounded cool). this isn't: for likes, followers, google nonsense chump change, being an 'influencer' (or: professional panhandler).

this is a soliloquy of my deep dish drama. Hey I'm originally a Chicagoan I get to make pizza references.

to break it down for y'alls (I'm now a North Carolinian so I get to use y'all):

45% personal niche-blog: you've been on one perhaps. that's to say chock filled with pretentious quotes, reviews, wayward thoughts, opinions, youtube videos, listicles, etc.

50% sketch-journal: personal notes, thoughts, journal entries, photos, sketches, the like. this is what it's all about really. if you're at all offended, butt hurt and emotionally wounded you can email me. I could use a good laugh!

15% eratta: writings, my not so still life in photos, etc.

 

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I know I know, caring is creepy but so is not caring? I guess! Whatever my little trick worked you're not on the VIP list. Achievement unlocked! Who's the big winner?! You are! Super duper. Anyways, thanks for filling it out. Even if you might be spam I just sent a nasty virus to your spam list! HAH HAH!!!! *sinister sleazy laughter ensues*