Art of Life

Found in my doc­u­ments fold­er, some­thing I’d writ­ten some­time in 2016. One of many posts I’ve nev­er got­ten around to actu­al­ly post­ing online.

I think when we fade from real­i­ty, and all of our time is spent here we will come to ful­ly com­pre­hend the error of our own ways almost instan­ta­neous­ly. We will become ful­ly aware of how :

  • arro­gant
  • evil
  • stu­pid
  • mad
  • angry
  • crazy
  • hos­tile
  • mean
  • cold
  • self absorbed
  • reck­less
  • vio­lent
  • chaot­ic
  • undis­ci­plined

we all are. We will, also as in Doestovesky’s book the broth­ers Kara­ma­zov dis­cov­er we real­ly passed, neglect­ed, and took for grant­ed oppor­tu­ni­ties for a love that wasn’t for the object in ques­tions sake, but for our own sake. The one thing I’ve come to dis­cov­er, is that for one to become immersed in rich­ness of love, one had to be the one who ini­ti­at­ed it, who nur­tured it, who pro­mot­ed it, who fought for it, and who absolute­ly with potent deter­mi­na­tion didn’t back off, shy away, make excus­es, self sab­o­tage its being. Because I real­ly think, even worse for humans than to elude these chances at redemp­tion that the great­est sin in exis­tence is to sab­o­tage its even­tu­al­i­ty. I think God him­self would take per­son­al vengeance against you for such blas­phe­my, for what can it be oth­er than actu­al blas­phe­my of a love heretic ?

I know I am fear­less­ly com­pas­sion­ate, and I love to love. I don’t sim­ply love lov­ing oth­ers because I have this huge desire to, I love to love oth­ers because I see the instant trans­for­ma­tive alive­ness it induces in me. I can only liken it to the divine awak­en­ing that cuts into me, into my innards that are frozen with para­dox and dead­ness from the tox­ins of this world. This was a sort of absolute vul­ner­a­bil­i­ty that you had to, not with fear, doubt, and reser­va­tion but all of your intel­lect and soul wit will­ing­ly com­mit to. It wasn’t a cheap trick, there was no secret tech­nique. And unlike in the movies it isn’t some stu­pid detail about your life like a ran­dom song, some com­mon­al­i­ty with art and books. It’s tru­ly just who you real­ly are undis­guised, with your mask off and your naked self exposed, to be revealed and appre­ci­at­ed. You’re far more beau­ti­ful and attrac­tive than you even real­ize, so why both­er try­ing to con­vince oth­ers of that fact ?

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